Opening Yourself Up… to your Wife/Husband

Aside from my relationship with Christ, my relationship with my wife is the most important relationship in my life, and yet there have been times that I have found myself less than transparent in our relationship. I find myself wondering at times why so many marriages are ending in divorce, and I believe that a major reason is a lack of honesty and transparency between husband and wife.

When we hide our struggles from our husband/wife we effectively shut out the single person in this life that has most potential to help us. I remember when I had told my wife that I had quit smoking (and I honestly was trying…), but I had relapsed and fallen back into the habit. For fear of breaking her heart and losing her trust, I lied (I have no idea how that made sense to me) and spent extensive time washing my hands, taking extra showers, and washing my own clothes. While I believed I was protecting her from the truth, I was actually damaging our relationship in addition to my health.

Transparency between husband and wife fosters spiritual growth through honesty and helping each other. I have learned (and am still learning) of my wife’s incredible ability to speak directly to the heart of the matter and help me when I allow her to. I pray that she has found refuge and solace in her transparency and openness towards me. As we journey through life together, raising children and serving in ministry, it is vitally important that we remain strong in our relationship. That is only possible when we take down the barriers of individual privacy, pride, and/or fear.

We have now instituted sink/sync meetings at least weekly in order to get beyond the everyday “how was your day?” conversations. We pray for each other in front each other (I never would have done that consistently early in marriage because I’m just not that bright). We strengthen each other only because we have the opportunity to do so by the other’s transparency.

How are you being transparent with your husband/wife? What do you need to tell him/her? What has prevented you from doing so previously? What tips, pointers, etc. do you have?